Thomas the pedophile engine

Thomas is a pedophile. There is no other explanation as to why a 60+ year old something would dress itself up in bright colors with a cartoon-like look to it to be more attractive to small children. Then it goes around the country to visit with them. If this was a person people would be picketing and passing around petitions like crazy. But no, Thomas gets

special treatment be cause it’s an engine. Well I for one say no! Keep our children safe from pedophile engines! Down with Thomas! Go back to Sodor where people are willing to look the other way.

Further lies!

I have further proof! Thomas is a hermaphrodite! This is a fact that even I was surprised at learning this fact. A hermaphrodite is defined by Merriam-Webster as "an animal or plant having both male and female reproductive organs." Now as Thomas is neither a plant nor an animal, technically this does not apply, BUT "he" does have a gender assigned to “him.” In that specific world all the engines are male, and the cars are female. Thomas, however, is BOTH a car and an engine. In “his” shows and movies it is an engine actually pulling the cars. However, when it visits railways, it is nothing but a car dressed up to look like an engine. Now you may say that it is a transvestite and not a hermaphrodite, but this simply is not true. It still has a boiler area to contain the smoke it puffs out of its smokestack. “He” lies to children about the most basic of concepts: gender. It’s simply shameful! If it keeps something like this a secret, what else could it be hiding?

Thomas the Evil Tank Engine

For years I have quietly insisted to anyone willing to listen the the so-called "Thomas the Tank Engine" is a bad influence upon the 2-5 year-old children of the world. I can keep this quiet no longer! The world MUST be informed! Thomas the Tank Engine is evil! Now I know this must come as a shock to many of you, but I assure you it is true. Every year he leaves his "magical" island with his "good" friend Sir Topham Hatt and travels all over the country. While this may seem harmless and maybe even "cute" or "fun" for the children, imagine this... hundreds, maybe thousands of soccer moms and dads with their 0-5 year-old children in tow decending upon one location that was obviously not built to accomidate that many people. Picture them: annoyed by the crowds, the price of the admission and the tickets, the hats their child hasn't recieved yet, the baloons and the endless toys (that seem to be everywhere) their child MUST have, the sun being too hot, the wind being too cold, the fact that there are no more tickets for sale, the fact that they cannot get refunds for unused or unwanted tickets, the fact that the train will not wait for an hour-and-a-half past the sceduled time for their child to ride on Thomas, the position of their car on the train... The list goes on. He comes, stays for a few weekends, wreaks havoc, then leaves. It's horrible. Plus have you SEEN him? It is unbelievably creepy!